| Why
Does She Stay? Heres Why !/Local Services |
Local Services
Why does a Woman Stay With/Return To A Violent Partner?
Many people believe that ‘if a woman doesn’t like what is happening she can leave’. Unfortunately, it’s just not that simple. A less common question is "Why doesn’t he stop his violence?"
Some reasons it may be difficult for a woman to leave.
- She wants the relationship to continue but just wants the violence to stop.
- She may still love him. She may be pregnant.
- She may think she is to blame for the abuse.
- She may think the problem is to do with stress/alcohol.
- She still hopes he may change without outside help.
- He apologises and says that he’ll never abuse her again.
- He has threatened to take the children.
- She experiences her partner as loving and caring some of the time and tries to ignore the bad times.
- Her commitment to ‘marriage’ may be so strong that leaving is not considered an option. Religion or culture forbids leaving.
- She may have dreams and hopes and may not want to split her family. He may have a good relationship with the children.
- She believes he can’t cope without her and that she has to support him emotionally. He threatens suicide.
- She has been socially isolated and feels she has no support.
- She may fear loneliness and have little confidence to cope on her own. The abuse has lowered her self-esteem.
- She fears the loss of financial security for herself and children.
- She feels too depressed or confused or upset to make decisions.
- She fears being labelled as a ‘battered wife’ or a single mother.
- Her family/friends pressure her to stay/return.
- People don’t believe that the problem is as bad as she says it is.
- She fears further violence or murder should she leave.
- Domestic violence usually increases in frequency and intensity over time and can escalate after separation.
Local Services
If you want support or advice, other services that can help you are listed earlier.
Information about where men can turn if they want to stop their violence and change their families lives for the better are also listed earlier.
Family and relationship counselling services can help adults and children deal with relationship issues where domestic violence is present including, where appropriate, supporting family members if they want to continue or dissolve the relationship. Ring one of the following numbers to find out the service nearest you:
| Centacare Australia | (02) 6281 1087 |
| Family Services Australia Ltd | (02) 6281 1788 |
| Relationships Australia | (02) 6285 4466 |