Are You at Risk?-

  Does Your Partner ....

Become easily angered and prone to sudden mood swings?

Try to control your contact with your family and friends?

Need to know where you are constantly?

Pressure you to have sex which is unpleasant or forced?

Constantly put you down?

Never take responsibility for their actions and always blame you?

Control all the finances and insist you account for every cent spent?

Verbally abuse or attack you?

Have a history of violence?

See themselves as more important than you and always right?

Use force, threats or coercion to make you do things against your will?

The more often you have answered yes

the greater the risk for you

The list Below can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in a violent relationship

Warning List

Emotional and Economic Attacks

*Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping" and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.

*Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"); telling you what to do; making big decisions; using "logic."

*Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about your friends and family.

*Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.

*Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.

*Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.

*Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: Making Light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.

*Economic Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.

* Self-Destructive Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss)..

* Isolation: Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go..

* Harassment: Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked..

Acts of Violence

* Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out shouting you; driving recklessly..

* Destruction: Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls; throwing and/or breaking things..

* Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others..

* Sexual Violence: Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts..

* Physical Violence: Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others; Slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shoots; etc..

* Weapons: Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love..

Believe His Violence Is Not Your Fault

A person is responsible for their own violent behaviour. There are no excuses. Domestic Violence is against the law.

Talk to Someone You Trust

It may feel difficult but tell someone you trust. It could be a friend, family member, neighbour, community health worker or teacher. Give them the ‘Helping Hands’ section of this Kit.

Seeing a Doctor

If a woman has been hurt it is very important that she see a doctor. A record of injuries may also be useful later in court.

Support and Counselling

Women can contact the statewide Domestic Violence Services for support and information.
See ‘Services That Can Help’ section.

Calling the Police

For women in immediate danger a call to the nearest police is important for their own safety and that of their children. Women have a right to be safe and to protection under the law. Women in rural areas may have particular reasons for not wanting to call the local police. There may be fears of not being believed or of other people in their small community knowing. Call the Community Police in the nearest large town.

Getting Legal Advice

Women’s Legal Services can provide legal information over the phone. Very useful if unable to approach a local solicitor. See contacts on the "Law In Your State".

Getting Him To Leave

Orders are possible through the Family Court if a woman is married. Whether a woman is married or not there are Magistrate’s Court Orders that can order a violent partner to leave the home. Women are strongly advised to seek legal advice as these orders can be difficult to get.

If You Need to Leave

Leaving Home

If it is not urgent, women are advised to get legal advice first. Women leaving the family home do not lose the right to their share of the home or other property. Separation date should be noted.

When a woman has made the decision to leave, where possible it’s important to plan ahead and to be prepared. She should try to collect as many of the following as she can, however, she must always put her safety first.

What To Take With You

• Using bags, boxes or suitcases, take:
• cash
• marriage certificates
• birth certificates
• Medicare/health care cards
• pension cards/Social Security Concession Cards
• drivers licence
• passports and citizenship papers
• school reports
• medications/prescription repeats
• house keys/car keys
• bank books (including joint accounts)
• cheque books/credit cards/automatic teller cards
• favourite toys and books for children
• phone card/list of the phone numbers useful to you
• deeds to the house or other property (if applicable)
• jewellery and valuables/your will
• your address/phone book
• irreplaceable personal items e.g. photographs/albums

If the children want to live with you then, if possible, take them with you. If you cannot take them, get urgent legal advice.

Many women have found that the violence increases at the time of separation. Your ex-partner may feel he is losing control over you because you are making your own choices. He may try to exert more control at this time, which will increase the danger for yourself and/or your children.

If you have fears for your safety, you may want to consider making a safety plan, to use in case you need to leave in a hurry.

• Decide who you will call if you feel threatened or in danger.
• Decide where you will go if you need a safe place.
• Practice travelling to the safe location if possible.
• Decide what arrangements you will make to ensure the safety of your children.
• Talk with someone you trust about your decision to stay or whether to leave.
• Keep an extra key to your house and car in a safe place.
• Keep bags and boxes handy.

If you decide to separate, where possible:

• Obtain legal advice on separation and protection orders before you separate.
• Save some money for fares for emergency transportation.
• Pack all of the medications you need.
• Know where all of your important papers are kept.
• Consider keeping clothing, medications, papers, keys and cash at a friend’s house.
• Make a list of other arrangements you should consider.
• Make a list of emergency and support phone numbers.
• Make arrangements for pets.
• Consider the storage and retrieval of belongings to keep them safe.
• Purchase a phone card. STD calls are itemised on bills.
• Close bank accounts. Arrange new address for statements.
• Remove name from existing electricity/gas/phone accounts and house leases.

 Planning To Be Safe

Extra Safety

Many women have difficulty escaping from a violent partner. If a woman leaves and feels she needs extra security, the following are actions she may consider.

• Names :
  -A false name can be used in any situation other than those where Identification is required.
  -Change by a statutory declaration. (Valid except to defraud.)
  -Change through the Registry of the State.
  (No one can get this through the Registry or FOI* Act.)
  -Children’s official names cannot be changed without the permission of both parents.
• Electoral rolls: Names/addresses can be listed silently.
• Taxation: A new tax file number can be arranged.
• Mail: Can be redirected to new address or PO Box.
• Car: Change of address for licence and vehicle registration, put stop on Car Registration File.
• Missing Persons Bureau: Inform them of her safety in case she and/or children are reported missing.
• Telephone: Application in a false name/silent number.
• Medicare: Change number at local office, add children.
• Schools:
  -discuss security needs with children, principal, teachers.
  -children’s names removed from enrolment Register.
  -request past schools to keep transfer school a secret.
  -inform them of who will be picking kids up from school.
• Social Security:
  -old and new names will be on file and cross-referenced.
  -social worker or Domestic Violence Contact Officer available
• Appointments: Request and maintain confidentiality at and about appointments.
• Contact With Children: Can be denied temporarily if there is concern for the children’s safety even if there is a contact order. If an order exists the Family Court and the other parent need to be informed.

Legal advice is essential.

* Freedom of Information Act

Please Contact a Domestic Violence Worker in your Area  even if its only to talk!!.